I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
