Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
