somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
