I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
