don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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