I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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