He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
