Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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