Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize