I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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