i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
