im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
