Don't make out with my wife yet
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
