if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
did i just pee glitter
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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