She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
