The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
