She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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