So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
