ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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