Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
