I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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