then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
