Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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