Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
