He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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