I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
