From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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