I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
