Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
