Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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