Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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