As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
