are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
