she was so not down for the gang bang
oh god the rape fog is back!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
