I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
