Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
