addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
