I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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