so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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