peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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