I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
