he told me I talked like a deaf person
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
