I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
