drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
