There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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