i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
