I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
