yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
