Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
