it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
