We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
