Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
