He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
