I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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