I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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