Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
