Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
