It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
