Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
