thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
